I Follow Through Because of My Fears
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Wisdom Wednesdays-#366 January 10th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast
I Follow Through Because Of My Fears
“I can give you a six-word formula for success: ‘Think things through – then follow through.'”
I like to think I’m organized, that I do what I need to when…I need to, but I’ve created habits that feel more natural than they should. I ‘ve let fear creep under my skin, as it feels more like a standard operating procedure than a choice I’ve decided upon. And the reason that is is that I’ve been lying to myself to keep me from facing my fears. I’ve chosen more to live in the story of avoiding my fears, rather than telling the story of where my fears came from.
I think it’s because I bought into the ideas of who society tells us to be. To fall in, to fit in, to be a piece of the system. And those are good things, for every society to thrive and continue thriving…there needs to be a certain amount of buy-in to the ideas within that system. But sometimes it can be crippling to the creativity of the individuals within that system.
And in our system we’ve been told to not make too much noise, to not interrupt what’s been working for all these years, we’ve been told to fit in line and happiness will happen by falling in with the masses. And for me, the story I told to fit into the system was about getting people to like me, being acceptable to others, not standing out so I wouldn’t be judged harshly. So, I quieted my healing voice for others by being worried I would be stepping out of line, that I wouldn’t be good enough, that people who were more qualified than me should be doing it instead of me.
I have this fear about returning calls. I know it sounds silly, but when I get a new lead it’s the predicament of the 10,000-pound phone. That’s what we called it when I was in the sales force. It’s the difficulty of picking up that phone to do what’s necessary in contacting a potential prospect. But it’s not that the phone is hard to pick up, it’s that I have weighted myself down with my fears so that I can’t even put my hand near the phone.
I’ll overthink the situation and process all that would or could go wrong, rather than seeing the bigger picture. And so it’s easier not to call, than it is to be worried about messing up. It’s easier to focus on failure than it is to work on learning from our mistakes and continue moving forward. Because when we focus on the fear it gives us a reason to cop out, to make excuses of why we can’t, and we think that the comfort of not moving forward is better than the sadness of being stuck in the same spot.
Every time I’ve lead a bad coaching session was due to me focusing on myself. It was the pressure I put on myself to have the answer, to be prepared for every twist and turn that could come my way. And what I was doing by doing that, was focusing more on me than I was focusing on my student.
I work to guide my sessions through active listening and intuition, and when I remember this and purposefully work to put myself there…the sessions always work themselves out. In fact, when I thought I had a bad session, a student will say it was the best one yet. The reason I felt it was bad was that I was focusing on myself, and me being the hero, rather than being the questioner helping my student see they were the one shifting themselves not me making them change.
The reason I’ve helped people was not because of all the advice I’d given them, but by helping them to get to the root of what’s bothering them…and then letting them come to their a-ha moment. Sure, I’ll give advice, and I work to ask powerful questions…but the power of helping someone isn’t about handcuffing their hand to mine and telling them this is how it will be solved…it’s about giving them the space to talk it out. And that gives them the power, to see the problem for what it really is. That gives them the chance to look at their fears and see that they aren’t what they thought they were…they were just the amplification they put on the fear of everything that could go wrong.
And so coming back to my fear of calling back people, the root cause of it comes from being a failure. It’s the fear of not connecting with the person, not being able to help them, or not making a conversion from them wondering if they should do business with me or not. It’s the fear of not making enough money in my business and being a failure in my endeavors, and it’s the fear of not having all the answers and failing that person.
It’s me overthinking, instead of looking at what the real purpose is behind the call. And it’s really simple when you think about it. It’s just me calling them back, and having a real conversation with them by asking what’s going on. It’s about seeing if we have a connection to work together, to see if I’m the person that can be there for them, to help them see their potential. I’ve put too many unrealistic expectations on myself. And those expectations are—that I have to help everyone, that I have to connect with everyone, and that I have to be the answer for everyone.
And by thinking this way, it only magnifies my fears…because I’m putting an expectation on myself that is unrealistic for ANY human on this earth. The expectation that I have to be everything to everyone. And to tell you the truth, when I look at it honestly, that sounds exhausting. Because what I really want is to make a difference in the lives of the people I can connect with, the lives of the people who are open to trying something different, and to be a helper in allowing people to see their true potential…because I never was their answer…I was just the spark to help them fan the magnificent fire within themselves. It was about changing an overwhelming flame within, into a directed flame with purpose.
Your fears, it’s not that they aren’t valid, it’s that there’s something behind them that may not necessarily be true. Once you begin looking at what you want and why the fear is holding you back…you will then begin seeing the root of your fears…and you’ll begin seeing that your fears really aren’t what you made them out to be.
So every time you feel that fear, know that everything that was something valuable to us was behind the wall of fear. Know that it was the Universe asking how willing you are to pursue your goals. Know that the fear is not a wall to block you…but a wall to challenge you to climb over and be strengthened from. As the strength is meant for you to hold onto what you seek, not just obtain it for a brief moment.
Today’s Personal Commitment:
So, what unrealistic expectations are you putting on yourself? And what are the fears you’ve created by holding yourself to that expectation?
The fears we hold onto didn’t come from “nowhere,” they were deliberately processed in our subconscious by the things we overwhelmed ourselves with. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by Abraham Lincoln, “My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure.” And that’s what fear does to us; it tells us that it’s more comfortable to live in failure rather than to move through our mistakes.
Fear is the lie we tell ourselves that if we mess up, then it will be the end of the line for us. But the only reason there’ll be an end of the line, or a failure, is if we decide to give up. If we decide to live within the lies of the fears we hold, instead of climbing over the walls of fear to be strengthened because of the climb. Fear is not the end of the line; it’s like the weights in a gym—asking whether you’re going to pick it up and move it, or continue ignoring and walking away from it. Be strengthened because of your fears…not weakened by the lies of your fears.
So write down the expectations you have, and ask yourself, “is it realistic of me to think this way?” And if you find you’ve got some unrealistic expectations, ask yourself why you’re holding onto those thoughts. I think it will be a good starting point to realizing your fears and then beginning to address them differently. Let’s begin climbing those walls instead of being stopped by them.
I Follow Through Because Of My Fears
Thanks for listening. I’m sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together,
Personal Development Life Coach-
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