436 I Am Like The Clouds To The Mountain Uninterrupted and Undisturbed | Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast March 2018 Monday Week 3

436 I Am Like The Clouds To The Mountain Uninterrupted and Undisturbed | Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast March 2018 Monday Week 3

I Am Like The Clouds To The Mountain…Uninterrupted and Undisturbed


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My Audible audio book fiction recommendation this month is :
Siddhartha by Herman Hesse

Mindful Mondays-#436 March The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Am Like The Clouds To The Mountain…Uninterrupted and Undisturbed

“Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make.”
~Eckhart Tolle

My good friend Catina was an amazing woman. She passed away last year after her 3rd bout with cancer. And while I’m sad that the world lost a great soul too early, I’m glad I had the chance to experience her amazing friendship while she was here.

A few years ago I met up with Catina for lunch at a cafeteria, and we were finding a place to sit down, and I can’t remember what I was complaining about, but I was upset that something wasn’t going my way. Whether it be money was tight, I was having trouble writing or coming up with ideas at the time, or how poor old me was in a bad place. We got to our seats, and Catina said quite loudly so almost everyone could hear in the cafeteria… “Pity Party…Seating pity party of one…your table is ready.”

I was so embarrassed as I looked around to see who was looking at me, as it seemed like everyone was now looking at us. We looked at each other, as she gave me one of those I’m sorry faces as her shoulders raised up and her eyes widened almost as if saying whoops. And we both laughed our butts off and sat down.

That’s what was so amazing about Catina, she was truthful, she was in your face, she was real, and she loved with her whole heart. You always knew she cared about you even after she dropped her truth bombs.

Sadness is a part of life. It’s ok to get disappointed that things didn’t go exactly as planned. In fact, disappointment can fuel us to become better, and it helps us to know that we have work to do in getting better at whatever we’ve tried. But there’s a sadness that can be quite self-destructive and that sadness has to do with self-pity.

What self-pity does for us is give us an excuse to not try. It gives us a reason to say I wasn’t made out for this, and thus we begin comparing ourselves to other people making ourselves feel even worse. We deliberately look at someone who is doing better than us; someone who we could supposedly never live up to because again it gives us another reason to feel comfortable in our failures. It gives us that reason inside to say “see it’s ok, you could’ve never done it anyway.”

When I was in younger and dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, the reason my suffering persisted was because I thought I was the only one who could feel this way. Everyone else seemed to have it all together while I was struggling to keep my head above water…rather poorly. It made me feel special to know that I was suffering for a cause, that I was being a martyr. And so those negative emotions instead of pushing me to want better for myself, they comforted me and said it was ok to fail and stay down. They told me that they didn’t expect anything from me, and that’s an intoxicating feeling. It’s was a drug that made me feel like a million bucks from my negativity when actually it was slowly destroying the person I was inside.

There’s nothing wrong with experiencing heartbreak, sadness, or disappointment…but the more we find ourselves gravitating towards how things weren’t meant to be because we aren’t good enough, smart enough, or whatever enough…then the more we create the habit to lean on self-pity throughout our lives.

Self-pity starts out as a form of protection. It’s a way to not bruise our ego and our pride so that we can feel good about ourselves even during our failures, but where it gets dangerous is when we begin living in self-pity. Self-pity is a choice, and it’s a story we decide to tell ourselves why it’s ok to stay where we are.

And while it feels safer in self-pity, NO ONE wants to live there. Even clinically depressed people, who don’t know they have a choice, don’t want to be miserable. They just have resigned themselves to the life they are living saying nothing will ever change…and that’s one of the greatest recipes for staying stuck.

So how do we change, if we want to live a more joyful, exciting, and fulfilling life away from the traps of self-pity?

Well, I have a couple of ideas that can help you break the pattern of gravitating toward self-destructive self-pity:

  1. Become aware of the stories you tell when you are feeling sorry for yourself. As I said, self-pity is a choice. It’s a choice to live within a story you have concocted. Sure it may feel true to you at the time, but that’s because you aren’t seeing the whole picture. You are looking at the problem from only the point of failure. Self-pity may feel natural, but that’s only because we have gravitated towards telling stories of why we can’t feel a certain way, instead of asking the question of how we can feel differently.


  1. Practice living in appreciation instead seeing reasons why you should be upset. When we can see all the amazing things in our lives, and the opportunities at our fingertips we can see a whole other world. Appreciation is one of the greatest emotions we can experience because it deepens the emotions we experience. It helps us not only to see things better, but to love the things we do see. It’s a different way of viewing your life and the things in your life. It breaks the pattern of viewing something negatively and to instead see it as an opportunity.


  1. Ridding yourself of complaining. What we focus on tends to expand, so the more we find reasons to complain then the more likely we are to complain. And the more you complain, then the more reasons you have to justify why your life sucks and how nothing will ever change for you. Have you ever been around someone who complains all the time, it doesn’t feel great; well, unless you are complaining with them. It’s an energy that sucks us in, and the more we do it, the easier it gets. Sure things in life will suck, but we don’t have to speak about ever minor inconvenience. When we do that we give more power to the negativity and we then tend to ruminate and focus on it even more. Which then we tend to make complaining our natural habit, and our natural habitat. We become our complaints instead of just voicing them.


  1. Face your feelings. Self-pity is a way of avoidance. It’s a workaround for dealing with things that sadden us. Sure we deal with disappointment during self-pity, but it’s a one-sided story that makes us focus on why things are wrong instead of being willing to face our fears of failure. It’s scary to fail, it’s scary to try and maybe not be good enough, it’s scary to have people judge us and laugh at us for not being good enough. And it’s scary to look at our fears because we’ve made other people the focal point of our fears. If we spent more time worrying about what we want and how we can do what we want, we would stop worrying about fear and understand that our failures are just a stepping stone towards reaching our goals. We know we have to work for difficult goals in our lives, but for some reason in our mind we think we should succeed the first time we try something. And so being unrealistic gives us an out to say, “see I tried it. It just wasn’t meant to be.” But when you face your feelings, and you focus less on what others will think whether you fail or succeed…you increase your chances of success because you are no longer focusing on why you can’t or why it’s not possible—you are focusing on the small steps that it will take to make it happen.


I get it; self-pity feels comfortable. In fact, it feels great at times when you get lost in it. Because you don’t have to deal with failure, you just keep yourself at the bottom of life. But when you avoid failure, you live within failure. So instead of telling a story of why life sucks, why no one will ever love you, or why you will always be stuck here….what if you were to tell a story of why your life is amazing?

What if you were to focus on becoming more aware of your stories, and finding more reasons to live in gratitude and appreciation, and ridding yourself of complaining, and also facing your feelings instead of running from them?

I have made the depths of self-pity my home for years because I felt it was more comfortable to not have to face failure. But I’ve also lived in the depths of happiness and sadness from the normalities of life. And you know what, I would choose life over self-pity any day because it gives me something better than the misery self-pity chains to me. Self-pity is always a choice; it’s a comfortable choice, it’s an easy choice…but I hope you make an even easier choice…to live your life void of self-pity.

Today’s Personal Commitment:

Sadness is a natural part of life. I am not saying don’t feel, but I am asking you to process your emotions differently. They say that meditation is not avoiding life, but it’s finding a way to not be disturbed by the natural processes of life. It’s to not be stirred in unnatural ways. Is the cloud stopped by a mountain? No, it is uninterrupted and undisturbed as it conforms around the obstacle and continues to move on. And that is how our mind must be as well. It’s not that we can’t feel but more that we find ways to not be disturbed by the natural processes of life; to truly feel ALL of life—sadness and happiness, and ask how we want to continue to move forward from here…instead of being stuck here.

So what stories might you be telling right now that are keeping you stuck? What is keeping you comfortable in your sadness? Look at the places you are feeling sorry for yourself and begin working thru them by asking four questions I talked about early.

  • What is the story I am telling, and is it helping me or hurting me in moving on? And if it’s hurting me what story would help me to move forward instead of stay stuck in the comfortability of my sadness?
  • How can I be more in appreciation during this time to see the opportunities instead of the roadblocks?
  • What am I complaining about that’s keeping me here, and how do I rid myself of the complaints that I am giving power to?
  • How do I stop avoiding the feelings I don’t want to face because of fear? And how do I face and continually choose the feelings I want?


So let’s give up our table of one for the self-pity party, and let’s join the table of a beautiful life by being willing to get uncomfortable with our imposed sadness. Again it’s not that you can’t feel sadness, but rather let’s not make it our home.

I Am Like The Clouds To The Mountain…Uninterrupted and Undisturbed


Thanks for listening.  I’m sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together,
Personal Development Life Coach-
Chris O’Hearn

Contact info- email: chris@strongwithin.com  phone:865-219-3247



Music by:
– Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
– I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide


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